Excerpt from my Journal – A reason for hope

I am an atheist, or so I believe. Long ago I decided that the only divine thing on earth was the earth itself. Deities and gods came and went, created in the image of man, giving form to his fears, hopes and desires. Good and evil are only abstract conventions of civilization. The concept of supernatural or divine intervention an infantile desire to be saved from ourselves and the perceived monsters of natural occurrence. I live a life that does not allow for predestination or divine intervention. God does not bother to intervene and angles waste no time guiding my footsteps through the perils of life.

Then life happens when I am not paying attention and incidents occur that defy simple mundane existence. Occurrences that are beyond mere happenstance and I am left to contemplate once again if there is more that moves this planet than the wind.

What is coincidence? What is synchronicity and serendipity? What is the sudden conscious connection of two separate interconnecting occurrences of space and thought? “It was met to be,” “Destiny, you can’t outrun it.” But to admit to the possibility of such things as predestination is to relinquish a hold on self-determination. To release my belief in self-determination is a step towards relinquishing self-responsibility for self-action. I believe we already have too much of that form of thought in this world as it is.”

But I am still left to ponder the odd coincidences in my life that seem to pop up when I find myself searching for direction. As a child I read “Illusions” by Richard Bach. It was there that I discovered that many of life’s answers are found in obvious places, but only when you discover what it is you are looking for. Then suddenly the answers are all around you; in the book you read, the billboard you see, or in the random statements of strangers overheard in passing.

I chose to read “Thinking Like a Mountain” by renowned wildlife artist Robert Bateman, not from having any knowledge of the book itself, but because of my love of the artist’s work that continues to inspire my enjoyment of natural places. I was curious to learn how art inspires conservation and how conservation in turn inspires art. In the midst of reading his book I randomly came across another book written by the most influential woman, aside from my mother, to come into my life. This woman doesn’t know it but she taught me how to read and how to dream, she taught me how to care deeply about my silent earth siblings. An only child by birth, she gave me a “family” in nature. Jane Goodall has been my teacher and my quiet inspiration to be better within myself. With a deep aching realization of how much I have unknowingly missed a voice too long silent I picked up “Reason for Hope.” Now, two days later, still having not cracked it’s binding I find myself reading in Robert’s “Thinking like a Mountain,” of a meeting between my favorite artist and my most inspirational naturalist and I wonder once more about the significance of coincidence, synchronicity, and serendipity. For the first time in many years I feel there is a reason for hope and maybe at last, a direction.

what's up with January?

Just a quick update -

Ever just want top push restart? That is how I feel about this quarter.

We have been buried in snow for the past week. Power went down as well as phone, which is also my internet connection. To add insult to injury my flu decided to take a turn to pneumonia. My husband seems to be doing better, but we still have no answer as to what caused his problems in the first place. The statement of 'getting' old at 45 is not very satisfactory.

As for me, now that I know why I have been feeling like doggie doo and have medication for the same I am hoping that my energy will come back so I can do something besides sleep. starting to feel like I am related to bears.

Thanks for the input on the Buck picture. Now that I have been away a few days...it looks flat to me too. Sure would have been nice to have had more recent classes to get my focus back. I really appreciate your frank appraisals, they keep me real. :)

I have been doing a lot of research. There are so many different things to do relating to conservation and sustainability. I think I have found an area where I would really like to work and have a voice. It may not end up being directly through art, but public relations or visual communications. As frustrating as this quarter has been I still think it has been the most significant quarter yet. I'm still glad it is the last. Now it is time to start writing and getting all this information into a format.